Sigh – I don’t even know where to begin this post. First my husband finally came home late Sunday night. I was SO HAPPY to see him. It was so hard to deal with all of this without him here. I did have a friend stay with me a couple of nights and another friend visit…which was really great.
I stopped taking all my medication (progesterone, estrace, baby asprin, and prog suppositories) Physically, I actually feel really great. My boobs are still sore, and I still feel really tired, but other than that I feel physically okay - no cramping or bleeding or anything like that.
Emotionally – not so great. I know that people are praying for us –and I do feel the peace and comfort that only God can give. But it still leaves a hurt and sadness that I can’t find words to describe. I have cried everyday – but I do cry less now 6 days after hearing that horrible news.
On Sunday I met with the RE. He looked at all the results and he just kept shaking his head saying ‘I have no idea what went wrong – everything was perfect – I just don’t know – I am so sorry” He probably said all of those statements about 5 times each in the 5-10 mins we were together.
He gave me two options. One was to take a drug vaginally then wait about 4 or 5 hours to miscarry. I would have really heavy bleeding and then continue to bleed for about two weeks. He said that this option is less invasive, but very painful. Most women who choose this option tell him later that they weren’t prepared for the intensity of the pain and seeing all the blood and clots was really hard for them.
The second option was a D&C. More invasive, but it is over fast, and only light bleeding.
Then immediately he said “which one do you want to do” All I could say was “umm, ahh, er, umm” I just couldn’t make that decision in that moment. So I said “I’ll do whatever you recommend”
He recommended the D&C and sent me to an exam room to get a “sample” of my ‘cervix bacteria” to see if bad bacteria could be a cause.
I left the office feeling really awful. I just didn’t feel right about either of those decisions. And after talking to my husband when he came home, and praying and asking God for wisdom and just listening to the feeling I have in my heart - I’ve decided that I want to wait a while to see if I miscarry naturally. I just got off the phone with my nurse (I called to tell her my decision) and I think she thinks I am “crazy” for not just “getting it over with” She said she would ask the dr. and let me know tomorrow. Right now that is the only decision that I feel comfortable with. I can’t really explain why. Any advice on this?
2 comments:
I could give you all the advice in the world but I think ultimately you have to go with what your gut is telling you...I WILL tell you that with my first miscarriage, it happened naturally and it was THE most pain I have EVER been in. I literally thought I was going to die...the emotional aspect that goes with it was terrible too, because not only was I in terrible physical pain but I knew WHY I was in that pain and it made it so much worse. With the second miscarriage the D&C was pretty much my only option being so far along. My doctor told me that if we waited too long my body could develop an infection so he wanted to go ahead and do something soon. I am praying for you so very much!!
I wish I had some words of advice or comfort for you. I'm glad you have some peace in your decision and know that you are supported in the blog world! Praying for comfort for your heart and soul.
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