a little bit of history

I have loved babies/kids and wanted to be a mom since I as a little girl – but I will talk about that in another blog entry or this one will be a little too long.

So here is our ttc story so far...

I have never been on the birth control pill. When my husband and I married in Oct 2008 we decided that we would just use condoms – that only lasted 2 months.

We stopped using “protection” during the month December 2008. We agreed that it would be totally fine if we “accidentally” got pregnant. (Secretly - or not so secretly - I was hoping that we would get pregnant, and was always slightly disappointed when my period came) I started taking prenatal vitamins “just in case”.

After a few months we decided that it was time to really start trying. I researched as much as I could about ttc - ovulation calendars, websites, asking questions to a few friends and hours at the library looking at books.

Most of my friends have kids, and almost all of them got pregnant with in 1 or 2 months of trying and a few even had “surprise” pregnancies. I was certain that it would work right away for me too! I even went to garage sales and baby stores and bought a few baby items – a vintage baby bathtub and a cute little baby dish set, some little tiny socks, a snuggle toy just to name a few. K and I also had our names picked out. The first month that I got a BFN I was convinced it was wrong. (I thought for sure I must have “implantation bleeding” turns out it was my period)

I was so disappointed, but was I was also just as convinced that the next month would work…and the next month…and the next month…etc.

I finally came to the realization that conceiving isn’t as “scientific” as I thought. After reading so many books I realized that I almost took God out of the equation. I felt like maybe it was my fault for putting my faith in “science” (sperm + egg = baby…simple) rather than putting my faith in Him and maybe He was teaching me a lesson. So I left the library and started reading Christian books about ttc. I memorized scripture, studied Hannah and Sarah’s stories and really put my faith in God, and remembered and recognized that I can take all the right steps, but ultimately it is in HIS hands. HE is the one who gives life.

After about 9 months K went to get tested. They found that he had low sperm count, and low motility. 2 weeks later we were referred to a fertility clinic about 45 mins from where we live. After some investigation they told me that I had small eggs, and that might be the reason we haven’t conceived.

So began appointment after appointment.
So far we’ve done:
• 9 cycles of "actual trying" natural
• 1 cycles of investigative appointments
• 3 cycles of Femara
• 1 cycle “off” (we still “tried” but took a month away from the clinic)
• 2 cycles of Puregon injections and IUI

I still have yet to see a BFP.

Despite the emotional rollercoaster that this is, I really try to stay focused on God and keep my faith and hope in him!
I really believe that I will be a mother one day.

That is part of my story…the rest I will save for another day!