Yesterday I went for the Sono. It was a lot like the dye test they did at the very beginning of our treatments. The doctor used a catheter and injected a saline solution into my uterus and then took ultra sound images. They wanted to make sure that the endometrium was clear – it all looked good. It was very uncomfortable – and left me feeling crampy – but it went really quick! I was in and out in no time!
I get so nervous for these kinds of appointments – the ones where I don’t know what to expect. They always end up better than I imagine.
I’ve decided that I am going to sign up for yoga for a month, and I ordered a few books from Amazon – just to help me stay relaxed and positive. The truth is that I have a really hard time relaxing. I always feel like I need to be doing stuff – I don’t want to be lazy. So I am hoping that if I do these types of relaxing activities it will help me in this area.
Question for any readers that may have dealt or are dealing with infertility: Did/do you ever find that you started to isolate yourself from people?
I am struggling with this right now. I love my friends – but I just don’t feel like visiting them or spending time with them right now. I’d rather be alone and do things on my own. K doesn’t understand – but girls are so different than guys. Just this week I went to visit a friend who I haven’t seen in a few months and this was our conversation
Her: “You’re pregnant aren’t you?”
Me: “No I am not”
Her: “Are you sure that your not?”
Me: “Why are you asking? Is it this empire waist dress? Or is it cause I’ve gained some weight this summer?”
Her: “When I ran into you on Friday you were glowing so I thought you must be pregnant!”
Me: “Well, I am not”
Her: “Are you sure?”
Me: “I am very sure”
Me in my head “Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr – glowing? How could she say I am glowing? I feel anything but “glowing” right now...argggg”
And if that wasn’t frustrating – she ended up telling me that she was pregnant about 45 mins later. This is her 4th baby in four years!
I promise that I am really happy for her – but isn’t it so unfair that some people can get pregnant so fast and so easy while other people have to leave their jobs, go to endless appointments, take drugs that make them feel crazy, pay thousands of dollars, and still end up without even one baby?
Sorry, I didn’t really want to vent too much on this blog – but I just want to get this off my chest. Sometime I find that there are people who can be SO insensitive! Most of my friends know that we have been ‘trying’ but don’t know the details of our failure to conceive and our experiences with the fertility clinic etc. They will ask me straight out if I am pregnant – which I think is SO RUDE! I usually say “no” as lighthearted as I can, and change the subject – but inside I feel so much pain every time.
Anyway that is my little frustration for today. I don’t want to isolate my self from people, but I am so tired of conversations like this. What do I do? How can I spend time with friends/family – yet avoid these types of conversations? And if these conversations are unavoidable – how can I let them NOT affect me?
5 comments:
Don't ever apologize for venting that is why we are here!! Yes I definitely found myself at times not wanting to be around certain people who were insensitive or a complainer (oh pregnancy is just the worst thing ever type people). And it is okay if you need to step away a little from those kinds of people for some time. Big hugs!! Really hoping to get your post up today!
I agree with Courtney! Blogs are all about being real, and sometimes that being real is venting! Please use the blog that way!!
And I also found myself not wanting to be around certain friends. I had some friends that were GREAT about not asking those types of questions, and others that were just not as sensitive. I had to take a break from spending too much time with my friends who were pregnant or had small children...I had to do it on my terms. When I was having a good/hopeful day I knew I could talk to them, on other days I just couldn't do it. It stinks that it has to be that way, but I think it is unfortunately just part of the process. And hopefully your friends will understand.
I know this seems weird .... We've been trying for a while now and when people ask I just tell them i don't want kids.... This saves them from asking again...even though deep down I do. It brings out a lot of interesting interesting facial features in people. Mostly dumb stares and incredulity. This may be different for you as your friends already know you want one.... It's just an idea. Probably a dumb one now that i think of it. Lol. Love sash.
Btw. I LOVE your blog. LOVE .
Hi K! I follow Courtney's Prayingforalittleone and that brought me here.
Infertility was extremely isolating for me. I felt like no one could understand my pain. Maybe that was true, maybe not. The truth is that it really didn't matter because God understands, God gives me strength, and God holds me up with His arms. Keep looking to God.
I will be praying for you!
I am also struggling with fertility. My blog is laurenmcknight.blogspot.com in case you are interested. I've just had my third failed insemination even though the doctors don't know what is causing my infertility. I've even been called "baffling." LOL not exactly what you want to hear from your doctor!
This post expressed all the feelings I have also been experiencing lately. My cousin is pregnant and due any time. It is very hard for me to get excited for her and VERY difficult to be around babies in general.
I was also asked if I was pregnant due to the weight gain from the hormones. I wanted to start crying on the spot. People do not understand that innocent questions such as that hurt those of us who are struggling.
I will be praying for you.
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