a long overdue update...

So here I am on a Saturday evening all alone – sipping on Soy Chai Tea, eating organic dark/mint chocolate and flipping through the tv station trying to find a cheesy/feel good Christmas movie to watch.

I am supposed to be at my husband’s extended family Christmas party but I decided to skip. I just couldn’t go. To make a super long story shorter - his parents (who were one of the very few people who knew what we’ve been going through) decided to tell his brother and sister and their spouses everything that has happened with us – from the infertility to our baby loss. The worst part is that they told them after we made it clear that we didn’t want them to know. I was so hurt and felt so angry and betrayed. There is a lot more that has happened around this – but that is the gist of it. I know that I can’t “hide” from them forever, and I need to forgive them and move on. But I just didn’t want to see them tonight. That and there are 6 pregnant cousins – and a 7th one who I found out will announce her pregnancy tonight – and she is due the same time I was. I know that any of you who’ve been through infertility understand why I can’t be there tonight.

I have been feeling better physically, but emotionally…I am still so very sad. I seriously have moments everyday where I break down and cry. I try not to let anyone see this emotional side of me.
Last Friday we went to a wedding – on the way there I said to K “I think this is the first day I haven’t cried since we lost the baby – I think I am finally doing better!” During the dinner, I sat beside a really sweet woman. She started telling me all about her little son – and then went on to say that she had tried for 10 years to get pregnant. She talked about going through IUI, IVF, running out of money, trying to adopt, dealing with her family etc. Then she went on a certain type of Aspirin for 3 months, and finally conceived! It was a beautiful story, but listening to all she want through, and thinking about where I was, I was fighting back the tears during our whole conversation. I actually had to run to the bathroom to cry – embarrassing!!!!!
Anyway – enough about my tears ;)

I went back to the Naturopath and again it was really good! The most interesting part was that she told me that according to Chinese medicine the tooth that I had a root canal on (a molar on the lower right side) is directly linked to reproductive organs and ovaries! Isn’t that crazy?

She put me on a pretty strict diet, it is an anti-inflammatory diet to help my body heal faster… so… no wheat, limited dairy, no tomatoes, potatoes or corn, no processed foods, no artificial sweeteners, no citrus fruit, no peanuts or peanut butter, no fried foods, no meats that have hormones etc. I have to eat lots of veggies, greens, beans, grains etc. It is a challenge to say the least! Most of my very favorite snacks are off limits.

This past week I spent a LOT of time in the kitchen. I am trying to think of it as a culinary adventure, rather than a strict diet. ;) This week I tried making Baked Chicken Quinoa, Lentil Vegetable soup, Superfood snack balls, rice pasta with veggies and beans, Dill/Lemon Salmon with rice and broccoli plus more!! It has been kinda fun trying new recipes and new foods – but challenging at the same time.

She also put me on what she called the “seed protocol”. For day 1-14 of my cycle I have to eat 2 tablespoons of ground flax or pumpkin seeds. (I grind them in a coffee grinder and put them on my oatmeal) They help your body produce estrogen and FSH. From day 14-28, I’ll eat 2 tablespoons of ground sesame seeds or sunflower seeds and they help your body to produce progesterone.
I have to drink Nettle tea and Red Clover tea.
I have to take a pro-biotic, fish oil, prenatal vitamin, folic acid, and homeopathic drops called Unda. I take Unda 10, 21, and 48. – they all help the female reproductive system. I have to continue with the castor oil packs, do some brisk walking for exercise and start tracking my BBT again…

This is my new “drug stash” - so much better than daily injections!



Once my period starts again and I’ve finished healing from the D&C the diet will change a bit (to a fertility diet) and then we will move forward with acupuncture. Her goal for me is for my hormone levels to balance and for my body to produce the right hormones at the right times, in the right amounts, and of course overall health.

On a side note: a friend let me borrow her sewing machine and I made my first real “sewing project” …an apron! It is a Christmas gift for my sister-in-law, and I learned how to do it via youtube videos.


What do you think?